Sometimes I wonder if I am wasting my life away. I wonder if I should simply stop. GIVE UP. Let it go. I wonder if anyone cares or even reads this far. If they have the time or if they are willing to share it.

I don’t judge them. I have scrolled past engaging captions. I have failed to click on links to articles. I have double-tapped without a second thought. And I know others do too. I see them next to me, aimlessly scrolling past pictures, and pictures, and more pictures. Searching for nothing, thinking of nothing, engaging in nothing… just having a zone-out moment. We are all guilty, so how can I ask for more?

The truth is that I don’t. In a very cliche-fashion… I didn’t choose this outlet, this outlet chose me. I cannot help but to write and divulge all my inner thoughts. My poems scratch at my fingertips, wanting an out, searching for an empty canvas to call a home. And my inner voice, that girl who wants to be as witty as she is on text outloud, JUST ISN’T.

I know it sounds insane and completely unlike me, but she can be shy. She hides at times from my lips, and leaves me startled, searching for words to say in the particular language I’m speaking as my confidence ebbs away… but on the keyboard, she shines. Vibrant and full of life, she knows exactly what to say, every time.

And I love her; I can’t hide her.

SHE IS ME.

And then, I get kudos from friends (not like those influencer memes that say “everyone’s been asking me about” when we know no one actually has… but LIKE REAL FRIENDS…and not just like my mom or my sister or my childhood friends… but LIKE REAL PEOPLE WHO READ MY STUFF BECAUSE THEY WANT TO AND NOT BECAUSE THEY THINK I’LL BE SAD). These are the people who encourage me in what I am doing, who love what I write. And it fills me with joy.

These people exist, guys, I’m not making them up (Vanessa you inspired this one– I swear there really is a Vanessa).

Anyway, the point is that I don’t give up because not only do I love creating and doing what I do, but also because there are people who enjoy it. Even more, there are people who I have helped and have thanked me.

It’s the virgo in me that #cantstopwontstop.

The one who not only loves attention but also feels her world makes sense when someone says, “I love what you’re doing.” And I do too, so it all works out.