A few years ago, I wrote a piece explaining why I walk in a virtually walk-less culture. I say walk-less because in Miami most people prefer to drive everywhere. In fact, I get strange looks all the time when people learn that I walk to my local grocery store a couple of times a week.   

That article began with tales of my trips to Europe and how much I had loved walking daily when I loved in Italy. In it, I explained how walking helped me feel active and energized; and while it still does, nowadays I walk for many more reasons.

As many of you know, I suffer from anxiety. And last night was one of those nights. I recently began watching Chernobyl (highly recommend this series) on HBO; and, although it’s great, I have resolved not to watch it in the evenings anymore.

I’ll tell you why:

Did I begin to imagine Turkey Point’s reactor exploding and having to save myself and my family just moments after watching the first episode? Absolutely.  

Did I also spend 6 hours researching how to best be prepared in case of such a bizarre accident (that will likely never occur). You bet!

You see, I’m all sorts of insane, but last night took the cake. In spite of my awareness that this disaster I was hypothetically preparing for was unlikely, I STILL found myself with iodine potassium pills in my cart along with other nuclear emergency goodies.

No matter how logical my thoughts became, I was looping (as I like to call it—thanks, Lu), mainly because it was late, and I had no one to talk it out with…so, naturally, my cray took over.  

Eventually, I switched from saving myself in the case of nuclear disaster to being angry at my silly fears at 3 am. Now, my reason for the anxiety had switched to a realistic fear: not getting enough sleep. And that led to two more hours of sleep-loss. I finally got ahold of myself at 5 am. By that time, I was too exhausted to do anything anymore. But just shy of 8 am, Achilles was up! And, subsequently, so was I.

Still upset, still sleepy, still moody.

I had planned to go to the gym with my sister, but I was too tired to do a spin and strength class. Luckily, she motivated me to go for a walk. A long and relaxing walk.

And thank goodness for her because the walk made me feel so much better. After about 20 minutes, I felt relaxed and calm. My heart wasn’t racing anymore. I felt silly, but I also felt I could control my thoughts.

After having the baby, my anxiety levels have been all over the place, but recently they have been better. I still have episodes here and there, but I am more in control since my hormones have settled down.

I remind myself that this is something I have to be patient about and not beat myself up over. And I have to improve my habits. I am definitely going to cut out evening phone time and try to go to sleep earlier. I will not be watching TV shows that give me anxious thoughts in the evening. I will turn off my phone and put it to charge somewhere else so that I don’t binge research in the middle of the night like a maniac. And I will continue to increase my levels of physical activity.

Walking has and will continue to be my greatest stress and anxiety management (it’s also a great bonding activity for bunny and I). Being outdoors and getting a breath of fresh air allows me to really relax and be grateful.

I realize that sometimes we allow our fears and weaknesses to get the most of us, and it’s normal. But we always have to try to overcome it and remain strong. There really are so many things to be grateful for and so many things to think of that are much more pleasant than imminent death by nuclear radiation.

It seems silly today, and I’m glad that I can look at it in this light. And all thanks to my walk with my sister and to understanding the way that I work. I have anxiety, and sometimes it sucks. But it is a part of who I am, and in many ways it has kept me safe. Do I wish I could simply fall asleep after watching Chernobyl? Yes. But then I wouldn’t be prepared… I kid, I kid… I am over it already (but I’m also getting those iodine pills just in case LOL).