A year ago, I wrote a piece about trying to practice self-love. After spending months in a state of hormonal imbalance and no sleep, I opted to try to different ways to address my postpartum anxiety. One way was learning to accept and love my new post-baby body. And it’s been a beautiful journey since then. It took months for me to really accept and love myself and to regain my mental health. Nevertheless, here I am. I’ve accomplished so much more than I ever thought I would during a time that was quite tumultuous for me, and one of the reasons I attribute that to was self acceptance. To me, body positive is loving your body in every stage of its journey, and I intend on continuing to practice this philosophy for the rest of my life. In commemoration to the beginning of my journey and its one year anniversary, here is STILL LEARNING TO LOVE THE SKIN I’M IN:  

We are living in a world where a nursing mother walked down the runway of Sports Illustrated Swim Week Fashion Show. Where Aerie features women with Vitiligo, Alopecia, and Cancer (amongst many other ailments) in their campaign. Where age, ethnic, and weight related concepts of beauty are headed out the door. It is the era of the body inclusivity movement. Where women are being encouraged to be content within their own skin as they are or as they wish to be. And while many people see this movement as somewhat promoting an unhealthy lifestyle, I see it for what it means to me: self-acceptance free of the pressures of society to be perfect (because no one is perfect as much as we try to convince ourselves that they are). Everyone, even the most perfect person you can think of, has her own struggles.

I am writing this not only for myself, but also because I am surrounded by gorgeous women who have no idea how beautiful they are. Although many corporations are promoting the acceptance of all ages, shapes and sizes, the average woman still has her own battle to fight. Many women in my life are self-conscious of things out of their control, such as genetics and age. They feel they are too fat or too skinny or too old when they are well within the weight for their frame and look fantastic for their age.

One of those women is my sister. She is probably one of the most stunning women I have ever laid my eyes on. At every age milestone, she has looked her best. While I may be biased, I still see the same beautiful woman she was last year and the year before that. Yes, she has grown a little older and a little heavier than she was at 25 (her golden years, as she calls them), but she is now a mother of three and is 15 years older–and she’s only human: we all age with time.

Nevertheless, I hear her saying self-loathing comments often, especially when she compares herself with with perfect bodied, twenty-something influencers on Instagram. That sad part is that she isn’t alone. There are so many women worried about aging or gaining weight or not being perfect.

I wish you could see my group chat. Full of beautiful women who are perfect the way that they are. Yet, we constantly point out our flaws. What’s funny is how each of us debunk each other’s criticisms of our own bodies, yet were brutal about our own. One of the biggest offenders is usually cellulite, something 90% of women have– I think it’s safe to say we are in good company. Still, something so natural is something we loathe.

I get it. It is so hard. And it is even harder when we compare ourselves with others or even our younger selves. Like that challenge going around of comparing yourself to you 10 years ago. And it’s funny because I often look at my pictures of me at 20 and laugh because I used to think I was fat. Now, I wish I looked like I did then. And I am sure I will say the same in ten years. It is only natural to look back with nostalgia at our past.

And yet, I remember myself in college, before the body positive movement, writing opinion papers on the influence of the media on women’s bodies and self-image. And that was before Instagram came along to bombard us with yet more pictures of perfect people. Since then, the pressure has risen but so has the lashback of the body positive movement.

But loving my less-than-perfect self hasn’t been easy, even when I’m aware of reality and my reality.

In 2016, I embarked on a fitness journey. My childhood friend and nutritionist was helping me eat healthy; she had also created a daily workout schedule for me to follow. I was ready to take on my thirties decade in shape. I lost almost 20 pounds in the first two months, and I was probably in the best shape I had been in for a long time when I found out I was pregnant. We had been trying for a baby, but I thought it would take much longer since I didn’t have a regular cycle at that point. Needless to say, I entered thirty in a shape, but it was slightly rounder than I imagined (and almost 50 pounds heavier).

Despite all of that and raging hormones, I put my self love to work, and since the last article a year ago, I have grown as a micro influencer, I have done a few jobs as a plus size model, I published my book, and I have learned to love myself so much more than I ever have.

Now, my son is a year and a half. I am 31, and I STILL have a little more to love (especially cellulite). Since he was born, I’ve had practically no sleep and that has affected my weight loss, eating and energy levels. Nevertheless, I have always strived to maintain a healthy lifestyle through a well-balanced diet and exercise and will continue to do so. It is a never-ending journey; however, I refuse to be unhappy and hate myself along the way. So I will continue to try to learn to love myself as I am at the moment. And to all of you, I wish you the same.